Our Campaign Mission

Dear American,

You may know me from the cover of Time magazine, or perhaps on a top-ranking YouTube channel where my views and policies made a lot of sense to you. I feel your pain and frustration with your current establishment, and as one of the most successful presidents in recent world history, I humbly believe that I'm the man to fix American's problems. My name is Vladimir Putin and I say, God Bless America and ol' Blue too. Join me as I seek to crush the current sold out and delusional political strongholds running your great country into the ground. Afterall, how could anyone just sit and watch after Hillary announced a run for president. Really America? No, not this time, it's time to elect a real man into office.

The Skills It Takes To Win

Beyond my impressive record overseas and in many developing countries I also tout some amazing super powers that every president should have. These are the skills that make me your next president.

  1. Foreign Policy 80%
  2. Military Development 70%
  3. Removing Welfare & Controlling Immigration 65%
  4. Vodka-Pong Win Rate 100%

Day's Until My Victory Speech At The White House

My Democratic Rivals

Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you actually think someone here can make "America Great Again".

Hillary Clinton

Bill's Wife

Bernie Sanders

Some Old Guy

Martin O'Malley

Really Random Guy

Lawrence Lessig

Expired Yuppie

My Republican Rivals

Obama was tough, so tough that you honestly considered another Bush in office? Sit down, breath, and think about your life.

Chris Christie

Super Size Guido

Jeb Bush

Bush Dynasty Heir

Ted Cruz

Boy Scout

Rick Perry

Frat House R'Us