Everyone wants to know what my stance is on the "ISSUES". Listen America, you can't always be thinking about punch lines and slogans. Sometimes you need to take a break and get connected to the 'feels'. But I know you America, you need this list, so as your next president I've written it out for you here.

Vote On The Issues

  • January 18, 2014


    The economy has to be economical, makes sense right?

    We need a strong economy built not on trillions of dollars of printed fake money and government debt, but on real, tangible goods and services provided. There will be a complete reformation of the Federal Reserve Bank, and they will now be subject to the elections of the working middle class. No more Fed being run by the 1%, but by the people who are most directly impacted by their decisions and actions, and me, your trusted ruler.
  • January 18, 2015

    Foreign Policy

    I will make America Great Again! We will have to turn the State Dept. inside out after Clinton basically destroyed it completely. No more foreign wars either! American has to stop being the police of the world, and our leadership will be focused on leading in science and technology, not bomb techniques. I will improve relations with China, Russia, the Middle East, India, Brazil, Venuzuela, and Iran. Basically all our enemies will no longer exist. They love me, I can make deals America.

      Putin Approval Ratings Overseas:

    1. Russia 115%
    2. China 95%
    3. Asia 91%
    4. Our Enemies 85%
  • January 18, 2016


    All I'm saying is, we should know why someone is coming here, it's really simple actually.

    As Russia and the United States will be such close partners under my presidency, travel between the two nations will be an easy process. To make sure we keep both countries safe, borders will be tightened up, and immigration will be limited as well. Background checks will be more in depth and full. Having a stricter process before accepting anyone into the nation is a must, and for the first year of residency, immigrants will be monitored for any suspect behavior. We have a great country! Let’s keep it that way, and protect it. One way to citizenship would be serving in the military, and after a term served, US citizenship can be obtained.
  • January 18, 2016


    Taxes, now that's one white privilege no one wants to talk about.

    My view is that the middle class person in this nation, who has been doing everything ‘right’ their entire life, yet still struggles living paycheck to paycheck, deserves a break. There is too big of a focus on the rich, that apparently they make too much, and on the poor, that they either get too much in welfare checks or are not even able to afford food. I propose that we abolish taxes on anyone making less than 150% of the poverty know what, I propose I abolish taxes completely. Me and Trump can take care of the budget if you catch my drift...
  • January 18, 2017


    "Anyone who feels compelled to ask for money should be equally compelled to learn how that money is made in the first place" - - Vladimir Putin
    Anyone receiving taxpayer money will be subject to mandatory drug tests monthly, including anyone registered as a Republican or Democrat (hey, we can't have our voters on crack can we?). I will make sure that people receiving welfare are the ones who truly need it, not those just trying to play the system, and there will be a big promotion for finding work for those that are on welfare. And anyone who receives taxpayer funded money will be required to mandatory volunteer service in offices and fields doing any kind of chores that the taxpayers require from these individuals.
  • January 18, 2017

    Government Spending

    First order of business is I'll make a deal with China to absolve our debt. I am a master negotiator and they like me btw. I will spend one year looking for and cutting out wasteful government spending (you thought I'd need more time?). Government jobs will be mostly for people who were previously on welfare; it will be a first step getting out into the working class. These government jobs will be the only ones subject to a minimum wage, making sure that families can afford housing and food, to survive. Guess what, if I spend less, you get taxed less, win-win, vote Putin bro.
  • January 18, 2017


    As much as they want to say I want to kill Americans, I'm actually 100% for keeping as many American boys & girls alive, and that includes the ones on the way. Come on America, what happened to you here? As if abortion is solving the actual problem of irresponsibility and poor choices. As if an abortion will make up for our societal problems of moral decay and whoredom....ok, I'm starting to sound like your Sunday school teacher (what Sunday School teacher you heathen ha!) but you get the drift. I'll de-fund planned parenthood and give that money to Children's Hospitals in low-income neighborhoods, deal?