Putin Natural Born Citizen
September 25 – Tallahassee Florida
The Supreme Court of Florida came out with the long awaited final verdict on case #5557: United States of America vs. Vladimir Putin, where Mr. Putin reigned victorious in proving the authenticity of his US birth certificate. All justices unanimously agreed that the birth certificate of Mr. Putin is real, legitimate and proof that he in fact was born in Miami, Florida on October 7th, 1952.
Due to questions and concerns regarding the legitimacy of Obama’s birth certificate after he was elected into office, the court decided to fast track the investigation of Mr. Putin’s birth, to avoid having these similar scandals once he is elected into office. Doctor Peterson, now a retired emergency room doctor was located during this investigation and questioned, as his signature was identified on the birth certificate. Now a 97 year old retiree, he lives in West Palm Beach, Florida, but still of a sound mind, he confirmed that he was present at the birth. “I remember Vladimir, it seemed a little interesting to me that his face seemed so political even when he was born. Still a spitting image of the baby I assisted in delivering that day. Something just kept telling me, this could be our future president one day, and what do you know?”
The case seemed to notorious to be frivolous, how could the greatest world leader, Vladimir Putin have been born in Miami? However after a thorough investigation, the facts proved themselves and the truth prevailed. It has been redacted from the Kremlin’s records that Mr. Putin’s mother was on an assignment in Miami, regarding relationship building with Cuba. Her assignment went on longer than anticipated, as she was aware that she was pregnant even before she arrived in the States, and she ended up having to give birth in Miami’s general hospital. Dr. Peterson was the doctor on duty that night, claims that he remembers it as yesterday. “I am very happy that the truth is finally coming out,” says Dr. Peterson, “all my friends thought that I was crazy when I told them that I delivered Vladimir Putin. Nobody would believe me and at one point, my supervising doctor was considering sending me to a mental institution. How could I have delivered the president of the Russian Federation? But now, finally, I can go to the polls and make that man the president of the great United States of America!”
Right after his birth it was decided by Kremlin top hats that they needed to quickly expatriate Putin back to the Soviet Union as they had already felt he would be their leader one day. The story reads like that of Moses in the Bible where baby Moses was saved from Egyptian hands only to come back and rule one day. Putin continued the rest of his youth training in the KGB and sending himself off to various missions. This aspect of his upbringing has however been kept under top clearance status in order to protect everyone involved. Now with Putin’s intention to be the next president of the United States it became imperative that this question be put to rest and the American people aware of one of their own.
There we have it folks, that man that the media tried portraying as an enemy of the United States is in fact an American. And not only an American, but one who trully cares about this nation. Make sure to go the polls in the presidential election and vote for Mr. Vladimir Putin, he is what we need in these tough times!